In the 'werx'

I've been thinking about what kinds of other epic posts I can put up here. My friend and I were sitting in church last week and she, being a sufferer of ADD, could not sit still, so I told her to draw a giraffe. From that I gave it a name, a story and that's what my next post after this one is going to be about. Don't think I've forgotten, it's just taking me a while to draw the character and stylize it correctly. Tonight I plan on doing some color rendering on it and you all will soon be able to enjoy the fruits of my labors.

I hope you all are well with school and that you're not having to run around like a chicken with it's legs cut off yet. Yes, I did mean to type legs instead of head. I think it's a much better descriptor of what stress does. ;-)

The usual new years update

Yes, like all those people who send out "what's gone on in our family for the past year and you wouldn't really know this unless you have actually talked to or seen us in the past year" letters that often are included in Christmas cards, I too will give all of you, who I am sure have been sitting on pins and needles waiting for my next post, an update about myself. My friend, Mindy P., did something similar to this and I'm going to copy her idea. Some of this will be true, most of it won't, and some things I wish were true but haven't happened yet. So, in the spirit of those letters we love so much, I will also write one as if it were coming from my "family":

Hello Friends and Family!

We hope you had a fantastic holiday and hope that this
letter finds you in good health and spirits! Things around here have been so busy that we were a little remiss in getting these letters out in time for Christmas, but we still figured you'd like to start your year reading about how we're doing.

My husband, James, just finished law school at ASU. We're so proud of this accomplishment. Unfortunately, there's not a lot of time for him to take a break from school though since he will be taking the bar exam next month. He has been working for the District Attorney and will be promoted after we find the results from the bar exam in a few months. We know he will do a great job on the test! He is also serving as executive secretary in our ward and enjoys his opportunity to serve.

In October, I helped to start up a charity organization called "The Cinderella Project" where we collect donations of formal gowns to give to underprivileged young women so they can attend high school dances. It has been a roller coaster but once we get further along in it, I know we'll be able to help out more girls in the area. Like James, I too will be graduating from ASU in May with a bachelors in interdisciplinary studies in business and music. This degree has been a long time coming and my last semester I will spend interning for LuckyMan Productions, a.k.a. The Marquee Theatre in Tempe. This was my ideal intern site and can't wait to get started there.

Little Jaxon is not so little anymore, he turned 4 this year and is turning out to be a great help to his momma. He just loves to take care of his younger brother and makes sure that there's never a dull moment in the house. Jaxon would like you to know that "Trains are my favorite thing in the whole world." What a goofball (like his dad)! Jaxon also was a very good boy this year so Santa gave him a skateboard for Christmas. Not a day has gone by since that he hasn't begged and pleaded to go outside and play on it. His daddy keeps the video camera ready and films our "future Tony Hawk" in action. Boys will be boys.

Conrad is 2 now and certainly makes sure we remember that. He loves to play with our dog, Pilot, and the two of them are sometimes inseparable. He also loves to help mommy fold clothes and vacum the house. Like his mommy, he is a very musical little boy and is almost always singing a song of his own.

This space will be filled in next year for our next little one who is due in June. We don't know if it will be a boy or a girl, but the older brothers are very excited for its arrival, as are we.

We hope that things are going well for all of you. God bless!

Love,

James, Shauna, Jaxon, Conrad and (insert baby's name here) Marsden

The boys on the 4th of July. They love America!

Shauna and James at a Halloween "Hairspray" party. Isn't he dashing!

Now back to reality, but I must admit, wow! That was a lot of fun to write! Man, I'm going to have to remember that when some of these things actually start coming true. Really though, I hope all of you are well, drop me a line, or a comment, or a dime, anytime.

Cheers!

Everybody Else

Hey fellow rockers! So I took my younger sisters to their first real rock concert tonight. It was epic in many ways. But mostly because of the band we went to see. They're called Everybody Else, and I gotta be honest, they're not like all those rinky dink run-of-the-mill bands that are overflowing on MySpace. They have a rock sound that I can only think of describing like so: a poppy sort of rock with the chilled air of a surfer but groovin' enough to dance to and not care about what anyone thinks about you at the time because you totally get lost while listening to the singers smooth voice and the perfectly complimenting harmony vocals while at the same time having a solid bass and jiving drum beats. Did that do justice? I think not. But I loved it so much, I think I'm going to go on a mini-road trip to see them again tomorrow night in Tucson, not kidding. So check them out, I promise you won't be disappointed. Everyone that I've introduced Everybody Else to (a little confusing? take a breath) has loved them almost instantaneously, and you will too! http://www.myspace.com/everybodyelse "In Memoriam" and "Born To Do" are my faves.

Heartbreak Hotel Part Uno

(Yes, this is another post from my MySpace, and it's the prequal to the blog just below, lucky you!)

I know that isn't an original phrase, "Heartbreak Hotel", But it's a great backdrop to start from.

I was helping out a friend a while ago by being the shoulder she leaned on. Listening to her doubts, dissapointments, and sorrows caused mine to surface as well. Her and I talked about pains of the heart. I don't mean like a heart attack or anything physical like that. But have you ever been ... so lonely, so ... afraid that you'll never find anyone to be with? When you come to the realization that all your relationships, or lack thereof (like mine...maybe), leading up to this point have been for nothing. And that you'll spend the rest of your life in the fear of growing old by yourself, living by yourself, and dying by yourself. It's at this point that your heart not only hurts metaphorically, but it really starts to hurt physically. Then you get this pit in your stomach, kind of like the sensation you get when you're on a roller coaster and you start to go down the first big hill, almost a free fall, but not the pleasant rush of adreneline. It's the realization that all of your doubts, fears, and nightmares may just come true.

That's just a brief description of the way my friend and I were feeling. What brought us to that point, you ask? Excellent question, I like to call it "the epidemic of a million little heartbreaks". It starts when you meet someone, it could be at a party, school, through another friend, etc. (Despite what people may say, first impressions do count.) The impression you get from this person is that they are pretty special. So you start to develop a tiny little interest in them. Yeah, they're kinda cute, they seem funny, and intelligent, and you would really like to get to know them better. So you talk to them for 20 min. or more, but at the end of the conversation no numbers were exchanged, no "hey we should hang out"'s even though several times during the convo you drop hints of "I could show you how to improve your bowling curve" or " I'd like to learn how to do (enter whatever it is they were just saying they were really good at)". What?!?! You tried your darndest to be charming, appealing, and downright alluring and they don't want to get to know you further?! Yeah, that's a little hearbreak right there. There's many ways they can happen.

Why do they happen to me and why am I so bothered by it? Well, I guess it boils down to a few things One is, I know who I am, I think I'm pretty cool, why doesn't anyone else. Another is that although I'm no Rebecca Romjin, Nicole Kidman, or Selma Hayek in terms of physique, I know I'm not hideous looking, I actually think I'm kinda cute, especially my eyes (not to be too vain). Another can be blamed on girls who have come before me and played games with a guys head so much that they can't tell up from down and then they don't even want to let you near them for fear of being played with again.

Anyways, enough of that. I hate feeling this way. I hate writing about feeling this way because I'm getting a little twinge of depression. Ergo, to sum it all up, this song, by John Mayer puts into words a fairly accurate account of my thoughts and feelings.

Love Song For No One by John Mayer

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

Heartbreak Hotel Part Deux

The past few guys that I've been interested in (and even the one i'm into right now), wouldn't even give me the time of day. Not because they didn't think we'd click, they know we did, but because they felt so "broken" that they didn't even want to give it a chance, give me a chance. They had too much....baggage....from their past relationship(s) that they totally sealed off their hearts. But what they didn't even try was to just let go. They were punishing me for things other girls did to them, which quite frankly just isn't fair to me. I don't want to be a pack mule and carry around their baggage either if our relationship went farther. So my word of advice to all of you peeps who are feeling the chains of past relationships holding you back from enjoying what could potentially be something really special, do what Rafiki (ya know, from the Lion King, the crazy baboon medicine 'man') just forget about the past. Sounds SSSOOOO cliche, I know, I know. And yes, I know it's hard to let go, but you'll feel SO MUCH BETTER once you do! I promise!

Wall Talkin'

(This is a repost from my myspace blog...with a few little embelishments)

I thought I was doing so good. People were calling me all the time, wanting to hang out or inviting me to their parties and whatnot. For some reason though, now, all the people I don't want to call me, like certain guys I've been avoiding for years, are the only ones who do (well, with a few exceptions). What, did I annoy everyone else? I try to keep a safe distance and not slug people too much.

Ok, what I'm really getting at is this: there are certain "friends of friends" who I thought were part of my first-string friends. So what do I do, I call them, email them, text them, whatever, just like I would with first-string friends. They respond in kind and we hang out, ya-da ya-da. But I musta' miscalculated them because lately I don't hear diddly squat from them. I'll send them a cool but not overbearing line about how I haven't seen them lately or how I watched a certain movie they told me to, or how I haven't punched as many people out of spite, or how my mouth hasn't been spewing out "poison darts" like it usually does. I'm trying to be a better friend all around and a nicer person in general. I guess it's just not working like I had hoped.

Are all blogs meant to be "venting space"? Is that their true destiny? Or their unescapable fate? How to the blog spaces really feel about how they're being used?