Heartbreak Hotel Part Uno

(Yes, this is another post from my MySpace, and it's the prequal to the blog just below, lucky you!)

I know that isn't an original phrase, "Heartbreak Hotel", But it's a great backdrop to start from.

I was helping out a friend a while ago by being the shoulder she leaned on. Listening to her doubts, dissapointments, and sorrows caused mine to surface as well. Her and I talked about pains of the heart. I don't mean like a heart attack or anything physical like that. But have you ever been ... so lonely, so ... afraid that you'll never find anyone to be with? When you come to the realization that all your relationships, or lack thereof (like mine...maybe), leading up to this point have been for nothing. And that you'll spend the rest of your life in the fear of growing old by yourself, living by yourself, and dying by yourself. It's at this point that your heart not only hurts metaphorically, but it really starts to hurt physically. Then you get this pit in your stomach, kind of like the sensation you get when you're on a roller coaster and you start to go down the first big hill, almost a free fall, but not the pleasant rush of adreneline. It's the realization that all of your doubts, fears, and nightmares may just come true.

That's just a brief description of the way my friend and I were feeling. What brought us to that point, you ask? Excellent question, I like to call it "the epidemic of a million little heartbreaks". It starts when you meet someone, it could be at a party, school, through another friend, etc. (Despite what people may say, first impressions do count.) The impression you get from this person is that they are pretty special. So you start to develop a tiny little interest in them. Yeah, they're kinda cute, they seem funny, and intelligent, and you would really like to get to know them better. So you talk to them for 20 min. or more, but at the end of the conversation no numbers were exchanged, no "hey we should hang out"'s even though several times during the convo you drop hints of "I could show you how to improve your bowling curve" or " I'd like to learn how to do (enter whatever it is they were just saying they were really good at)". What?!?! You tried your darndest to be charming, appealing, and downright alluring and they don't want to get to know you further?! Yeah, that's a little hearbreak right there. There's many ways they can happen.

Why do they happen to me and why am I so bothered by it? Well, I guess it boils down to a few things One is, I know who I am, I think I'm pretty cool, why doesn't anyone else. Another is that although I'm no Rebecca Romjin, Nicole Kidman, or Selma Hayek in terms of physique, I know I'm not hideous looking, I actually think I'm kinda cute, especially my eyes (not to be too vain). Another can be blamed on girls who have come before me and played games with a guys head so much that they can't tell up from down and then they don't even want to let you near them for fear of being played with again.

Anyways, enough of that. I hate feeling this way. I hate writing about feeling this way because I'm getting a little twinge of depression. Ergo, to sum it all up, this song, by John Mayer puts into words a fairly accurate account of my thoughts and feelings.

Love Song For No One by John Mayer

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me