These are all actual statements that have been spotted on t-shirts, signs and various other places:
"Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair"
(seen on bald man)
"Upon the Advice of My Attorney,
My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"
"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!"
(seen on an 8 year old)
"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I
Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
"My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse
He Couldn't Do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse"
"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"
"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -
Do You Want Fries With That?"
"Party - My Crib - "
(On a baby-size shirt)
"STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP.
"The trouble with life is there's no background music."
"Suicidal Blond Kills Twin Sister By Mistake!"
"Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane."
(if someone gets this one, please clue me in)
"My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat"
"Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills
and down people."
"MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by
Three Mile Island
"Filthy-Stinking-Rich ...Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"
"A hangover is the wrath of grapes"
I hope maybe even just one of those was palatable for
you fine readers.