Monday, August 18, 2008

Back in my geekier days (when I was actually proud of it) I used to subscribe to a daily email of Good Clean Jokes. There's nothing inherently wrong with that except for the fact that I would actually TELL people the joke of the day for that particular day. Sometimes when I tell jokes, it's not always a pretty sight. I used to be really bad and would start laughing before I even got to the punch line. They're not kidding when they say timing is everything. I spent many an awkward moment looking around the group for even a pity laugh. Way to go Shauna-O. Being as it may, I have however saved a few choice emails from back-in-the-day and will share one with you because it should apply to a wide variety of my readers (since I have a plethora of them).

These are all actual statements that have been spotted on t-shirts, signs and various other places:

"Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair"
(seen on bald man)

"Upon the Advice of My Attorney,
My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!"
(seen on an 8 year old)

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I
Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

"My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse
He Couldn't Do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse"

"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"

"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -
Do You Want Fries With That?"

"Party - My Crib - Two A.M."
(On a baby-size shirt)

Park elsewhere!"

"The trouble with life is there's no background music."

"Suicidal Blond Kills Twin Sister By Mistake!"

"Two rights do not make a wrong.  They make an airplane."
(if someone gets this one, please clue me in)

"My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat"

"Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills
and down people."

"MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island
cleanup team."

"Filthy-Stinking-Rich ...Well, Two Out of Three Ain't  Bad"

"A hangover is the wrath of grapes"

I hope maybe even just one of those was palatable for
you fine readers.



Cari said...

The Wright Brothers built the first airplane.

Angela said...

Dang it! I thought I was going to be the smartie that told you about the Wright Brothers! Those were hilarious! I'm giving you a real hearty laugh not a pity one.